The Telemachus Story Archive

The Joker Has The Last Laugh!
Part 1 - The Trap
By SHeroNY
Email: SHeroNY

The Joker Has The Last Laugh

by SHeroNY

Part One - The Trap

(Spoiler Alert: Part One has no sex or nudity.)

Batman has been searching high and low for The Joker ever since he broke out of Arkham Asylum last month. The mad criminal had vowed to get his revenge on the Caped Crusader for putting him in that psychiatric hospital five years ago. So the superhero was sure that this escaped mental patient would be heading straight for Gotham City to finally make good on his threat. Now that the Clown Prince of Crime is on the loose again, one thing is certain... nobody is safe... not even our hero. After all, who knows what the evil villain could be plotting inside that twisted brain of his?

Keeping a close eye out for his sworn enemy, The Dark Knight was already up on the rooftop of Wayne Tower just around daybreak, monitoring the city below. It was only about 6 AM when our hero spotted a young boy, no more than 12 or 13 years old, entering the crosswalk while texting on his cellphone. The Caped Crusader couldn't help but wonder where someone his age would be going so early in the day. After all, school doesn't start for at least another 2 hours, he thought to himself. When all of sudden, from out of nowhere, a delivery truck comes racing towards the unsuspecting kid who still wasn't paying attention to the oncoming vehicle. There was no time to waste. So Batman quickly swung down from the roof on his bat-rope, swooped the child up in his muscular arms and rescued him from the speeding van just before it was about to hit him.

After they both landed safely on the other side of the street, the grateful kid gushed, "Wow, I never saw it coming! Gee, Batman... you saved my life! How can I ever repay you?"

"By never texting in the middle of the road ever again, young man. Even though there may not be a lot of traffic at this time of the day, a pedestrian should always wait for the 'walk' signal, then make sure to look both ways before crossing the street." The straight-laced superhero warns the young boy. "Remember, safety first, my good lad." .

"Gosh, that's good advice, Batman. I promise to be more careful from now on!... You know, my friends are never gonna believe this! Say, Caped Crusader, can I take a selfie with you so I can show it to my teammates at softball practice later today?" the innocent looking lad asks.

"Why, of course you can, young man," Batman is glad to oblige as the boy stands next to him and snaps the picture.

"I hope it's not too much to ask, Batman, but would you mind posing for just one more... all by yourself?" the kid requests.

Batman is flattered, "Sure. Anything for a fan."

"Great!... Why don't you put your hands on your hips, Batman? Yeah, that will make an awesome superhero pose. Now, smile!" The young man says.

Only this time when the boy presses the button on his 'special' cellphone, The Caped Crusader gets hit right in the face with a powerful blast of knockout gas. As Batman falls down to the cold, hard pavement below, a vehicle suddenly drives up to the curb. Little does our hero know that it's the same delivery truck that almost hit the youth only a few minutes earlier.

As the door of the van swings opens and the driver steps out, the semiconscious superhero sees some familiar footwear walking towards him, then he heard another voice that sounded just like The Joker's say, "Woo hoo hoo! Good job, kiddo!"

"Okay, Bozo, I did exactly what you told me to do! Now just give me what I came here for!" the streetwise young punk rudely tells The Joker. Although he could hardly keep his eyes open, the drugged Batman was still able to see the clown-faced criminal hand his young accomplice what looked like plenty of packets of heroin. "Hurry up! I haven't got all day, man. I've got to meet some clients over at the schoolyard in just a few minutes!"

"Your customers aren't going anywhere until they get their fix. So they can wait. I still need you to do one last thing for me before you go." The Joker reminds the disrespectful juvenile delinquent who is in charge.

But the young hoodlum is starting to get a little nervous, "Look, Jokey, I don't know what you have planned for this Caped Creep and, frankly, I really don't care. But I think we both better get out of here fast before a patrol car spots us! If I get caught dealing drugs, all I can get is a year or two in juvy. But kidnapping is a much more serious offense. And I am not about to go to jail for helping you abduct this overgrown Boy Scout!"

"Quit your worrying, boy. There's not a cop in sight. Besides, the Gotham City Police Department already has their hands full right now looking for that serial killer that's been murdering all those hookers over on the East Side. He he he he! Now help me put Mr. Goody-two-shoes here in the van first, then you can leave." Batman can hear The Joker tell the impatient pusher as they both pick the incapacitated crimefighter up off the sidewalk and then throw him in the back of the delivery truck. "Now go make your sale. But just remember to give me my cut, kiddo!"

"Don't worry, Joker. You'll get your money." The adolescent drug dealer reassures him. "Besides, I'm not about to stiff my best supplier, am I? I don't where you get your smack from, Dude, but it is pure gold!"

"Let's just say I have connections!... Woo hoo hoo!" The criminal clown snickers, eluding to his longstanding ties to organized crime.

"Yeah, well... always pleasure doing business with you. Later, Ronald McDonald. And thanks again for 'rescuing' me, Hero!" the smart-mouthed brat sarcastically says before he takes off, leaving the Joker alone with his precious superhero cargo already loaded inside the delivery truck.

Just when he was about to dose off, our hero could hear his clown-faced kidnapper say to him, "Congratulations, Caped Crusader! You've just won an all-expense paid trip, courtesy of The Joker Travel Agency. That's right, my lucky superhero, your exclusive prize package includes a one way ticket to my brand new secret hideout, conveniently located at least a hundred miles from the nearest police station!... Wooo hoo hoo!... And, as an added bonus, I'm going to be your personal tour guide. Now, doesn't that sound like the dream vacation of a lifetime, Batman?... Ha ha ha ha!... "

The Joker's words were so disturbing, they were enough to briefly keep the groggy superhero from falling asleep. Even though he was barely awake, Batman still tried to speak up and tell this fiend off. But, instead of voicing his objections, all our hero could do was mumble incoherently, "Y-Y-Yoooouuu f-f-fieeenddd!... ", much to his abductor's amusement.

The Joker could see that the sleepy superhero was just about ready for his nap, "Ha ha ha ha!... Now don't you worry about a thing, Batman. Because I have made all of the arrangements in advance. Yes, I've already reserved a very special room for you at my private mountain retreat. In fact, it's so private, you shall be the very first guest to ever stay there!... Picture it, Caped Crusader!... Just the two of us alone in the woods for weeks, maybe even months on end!... Completely cut off from the rest of the world!... No interruptions!... No distractions!... No cops!... No witnesses!... Woo hoo hoo!... Not only will this give us a chance to become reaqquianted once again, but who knows?... We might even get to know each other a whole lot better than we ever did before. After all, it has been five long years since we last saw one another, my sworn enemy. And you know the old saying, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' ? Well, I, for one, can't wait to make up for lost time!... He he he he!!!"

Troubled by what he's heard so far, Batman makes one last desperate attempt to reach for the Bat Signal on his utility belt so he can let The Boy Wonder know he is in danger. But just before his hand could push the button, his whole body goes limp as our tired hero completely loses consciousness.

"Yes, you sure look like you could use some rest, superhero, So just lie back, relax and leave the driving to me. .... Ha ha ha ha!!!... Our journey is about to begin. Believe me, Batman, you and I are going to have so much fun together on our romantic little getaway that you will never want it to end!... Woo hoo hoo!!!... " the evil villain laughed as the rear door of the van suddenly slammed shut and then everything faded to black.

To Be Continued...

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